Struggling Through Writer’s Block

Okay a few weeks ago, on a total whim, I fired off 7 Tips For Being Good Beta Readers, a post that rocked this blog. It has gotten more hits than anything else I ever posted. I have yet to see a single Retweet but yet readers keep coming. Since I had not been very good about blogging or writing at all, it was admittedly a thrill to write something people took such interest in. I’ve been trying to come up with a follow up ever since. My blog post on writing grief has had some hits, slowly. But my post on “Lessons From Editing” went largely unnoticed.

And now I can’t seem to think of anything I can actually finish. I offered to guest post on a friend’s blog while he takes some time after the birth of his daughter and his request for proposed topics sits unanswered. Sorry, Everett, not ignoring you, I just don’t have a clue. It’s almost like I wonder what I have to offer?

Now before you all start thinking I’m too hung up on my Site Stats link, it’s not the lack of hits that’s at the heart, it’s my depression. I am just generally down in the dumps. After all, in the last two years, I lost two dream jobs, a house we wanted to buy, went through several major medical crises with my wife who now divorced me. And I still can’t find a new job and I spend most of my time alone. Who wouldn’t be depressed? Writer’s Block has always been a bitch but this is taking on epic proportions.

Ironically, despite my blog block, I have been able to write on my novel. Oh I switch between excited about the stuff written and lackluster, yes, but at least I am getting words on the page. The story is progressing. Anything truly awful can be fixed later. But you can’t edit until you have a finished draft. And at least I’m getting somewhere.

Even my usual answer to writer’s block, the great standby which has seen me steadily through over the past few years, is not working. I always had several short stories going at the same time as I worked on a novel, so that I could always switch between them when ever the gnarly bitch reared her head. But right now, I just have a couple novels, and I still see no way out of the blog block, so I am resorting to the last chance.

That’s right. I am going to tame this bitch the only way I know how: write anyway.

Most of us are tied enough in ego to our writing, especially if you’ve made any sales or started networking enough to have people whose work you respect pay attention to your career, that we really loathe writing crap. We’d almost rather do anything than write when we know we don’t know what we’re doing. And although it’s often tossed out as advice at workshops and conferences to “write even when you don’t feel like writing,” such advice is often relegated to the category of good in concept, poor in practice and ignored. Because we don’t want to commit to paper words we will later read and say “I should NEVER have written that” as we scowl in horror.

But I’m doing it anyway. I am going to tame this  and write anyway. So here it is. Not a lot of great advice here for fighting off the block, the dreaded nemesis of any writer. But the advice I do have is write something, even when you don’t feel up to it. You never know what you’ll end up with and maybe, somehow, to someone, it’ll actually be helpful.

For what it’s worth…

NOVEL EXCERPT: The Worker Prince Chapter 5

In previous excerpts, we’ve met the protagonist, Davi Rhii, and his friends and family and rival Bordox. Now let’s meet the main antagonist, Davi’s uncle Xalivar. Xalivar is a complicated character. Hopefully this will give you an idea what Davi’s up against. In this scene, Davi has been called back before his uncle, High Lord Councilor of the Borali Alliance, because he disobeyed orders and left his post on a distant base where Xalivar sent him to avoid criminal charges to come back and wrestle with his new identity as slave-born (worker-born).

Manaen escorted Davi as far as the throne room, but let him enter alone. Xalivar stood beside a window, staring out at the city.

“I gave you your orders,” Xalivar said, without turning to face him. Davi heard the anger in his voice.

“Can’t we talk about this?”

“Soldiers obey orders or they are disciplined. Don’t think because I’m your uncle, you’ll be given special treatment.”

“I’ve already been given special treatment,” Davi said.

Xalivar whirled around, glaring at him as his fists clenched. “Do you know what I had to go through to get the Council not to pursue murder charges against you?”

“I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”

“And this is how you show your gratitude?” Xalivar turned away again.

“I serve you best by being honest with you, don’t I?”

“You serve me best by doing as I instruct you without raising unnecessary questions,” Xalivar said.

Davi flinched at his uncle’s anger. What could he say to make him understand? “I’ve been reading history. I don’t understand why things are the way they are,” Davi said.

“Maybe it’s not your job to understand.”

“Before the colonists left Earth to settle on other planets, the Legallians and Vertullians were at peace for twelve years,” Davi continued. “When the Vertullians discovered they’d settled the planet next door to us, they didn’t fight, they sued for peace. Instead, we conquered them and turned them into slaves.”

Xalivar turned back to him. Their eyes met. “They cannot be trusted.”

“They sued for peace and we betrayed them, yet they can’t be trusted?” Davi saw from his eyes that Xalivar really believed it.

“Twelve years of peace during a time when everyone was distracted by other concerns,” Xalivar said. “After hundreds of years of wars.”

“Extremists and terrorists brought us together. Why would we forget all that when we settled here?”

“Do you know how many of our people have died at their hands? How many communities they destroyed?” Xalivar demanded.

“How many of them have we killed? Can’t the past ever be the past?” Davi asked. He’d begun to wonder. His uncle’s anger seemed pretty intense over something that happened so long ago. “Twenty years ago, I was supposed to die because of your decree, yet here I am. You let it go and protected me, because I’m your nephew.” Xalivar’s face changed when Davi mentioned the decree. Had he forgotten? Maybe he wishes I hadn’t survived.

“I protected you, yes, and here you are trying to undo everything I’ve done!” Xalivar threw up his hands in dismay as his pupils narrowed and his face turned gray with worry.

“How can I stand by when my own family is living in slavery?”

“Do you wish so badly to join them in their plight?” Xalivar said. “Everything I’ve worked for, everything my father and grandfather worked for could be undone by this, Xander! Do you not care about this family any longer since you’ve found a new one?” They both turned at the sound of the door opening behind them.

Miri’s feet shuffled on the carpet as she rushed in. “Why didn’t you tell me you were here?” she said, looking at Davi.

“I didn’t have the chance yet, Mother,” Davi said.

“He was too busy arguing the evils of our oppressive Alliance with his uncle,” Xalivar said. “He won’t let this go. I should have raised him myself, disavowed him of his moral illusions.” He stared accusingly at Miri.

“I raised him to think for himself,” Miri said.

“Well, he’s decided this family is the enemy now,” Xalivar said, fists clenching again.

“You’re still my family. I care about you,” Davi said with frustration. Did his uncle really believe that?

Xalivar waved dismissively to Miri. “I cannot do what he asks. You talk sense into him.” He turned and stopped beside the door to his private chambers, punching a code. The door slid up and Xalivar disappeared inside, leaving them alone.

“You’re trying to fight a system which has been in place for generations, Davi,” Miri said.

“It’s wrong, mother.”

“It won’t change overnight,” Miri said.

Davi knew she was right but was convinced he had to try. “Someone has to speak for the workers. People know who I am; maybe I can make them listen.”

“Or you will make more enemies than you ever imagined,” Miri said.

“So you would have me stand by and do nothing?”

“No, but I would have you recognize there will be more to convince than just your uncle,” Miri said, frustrated.

“I have to start somewhere.” Davi turned away, knowing she was right. “I won’t give up. I can’t.”

“Do you want to go to prison? Do you want to be killed?” Miri’s voice was tinged with desperation; worry filled her eyes.

“I’m willing to do what it takes to change things for my people,” Davi said as their eyes met.

“The Lords or the workers?”

“Both, Mother. I belong to both,” he said with a sigh.

“I can’t protect you.” Her voice was pained.

“I know. I would never hurt you, mother; I hope you know that.” He looked at her with love and smiled.

“I only want what’s best for you. Your uncle, too,” Miri pleaded.

“Can’t you see I have to do this?” Davi said, as tears ran down her cheeks. He hurt for her. He raised his arms and she rushed into his embrace. He stayed there holding her awhile.

***

Xalivar watched the Royal Shuttle depart with Davi aboard from his private quarters. How could he have been so blind? He’d forgotten all about the decree! He’d forgotten all about the nightmares which kept him awake, night after night. He’d never given much credence to dreams, but after his scientists had reported an increase in male births on Vertullis, Xalivar issued a decree and sent his Special Police squads to destroy all first-born males. They’d seemed so real to him then, but twenty-one years had passed. No one had arisen to challenge him in the decade that followed. He’d ultimately come to believe the dreams had been nonsense, but now…

How could he have been so wrong? He would do whatever it took to protect the Alliance. He loved the boy, but love wasn’t enough sometimes. Davi would have to be watched, although he didn’t want him harmed. Not yet. He hoped it wouldn’t come to that, but he was prepared to do what was necessary. Miri would object, of course, but neither she nor her son really grasped what was at stake. Anyone was expendable if they rebelled. It couldn’t be tolerated.

The Council was scheduled to meet that afternoon, and he knew what must be done. He had to keep Davi close, and he had the perfect means right under his nose. Funny, he’d almost failed to see that, too. He’d been all ready to order Davi back to Plutonis. I must be growing weary. I need to get more rest. I have to stay on top of such things. He smiled. Yes, it was the perfect plan. So perfect, it would almost seem like a natural course of events beyond even Xalivar’s control.

 

326 pp · ISBN 978‐0‐9840209‐0‐4 ·Trade Paperback/Epub/Mobi · $14.95 tpb $3.99 Ebook  · Publication: October 4, 2011  · Diminished Media Group
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The Worker Prince: Book 1 In The Saga of Davi Rhii

TV Review: Falling Skies

Well it has action, it has aliens, and it has mankind defending itself from invasion by a mysterious, ruthless enemy which enslaves their children. Why am I not more excited? Because this looked like a rip off of so many things that came before.

First, you have vigilantes fighting it out against aliens. Where have I seen that? “V” and “War Of The Worlds” and, well, even “Battle: Los Angeles” have resemblances.

Second, the aliens use robots? Where have I seen that? “War Of The Worlds.” The aliens are bugs? “Starship Troopers.”

Okay, so these are tropes and they’d be fine except for one thing. The characters aren’t well developed. Okay, to be fair, TV series take a while to develop their characters. So maybe that’s in the works. But Will Patton’s human army leader is just an ass. Nothing likeable about him at all. Not a single redeeming quality in how he acts or treats everyone around him with contempt. Noah Wyle’s lead fares better, but even he seemed overwhelmed and dominated by circumstances and people rather than being the take charge get it done hero we’d expect and want to see.

Now to be fair, I watched this right after the closing of HBO’s monumental, phenomenal specific “Game Of Thrones,” which turns every trope on its head, is very original, very well acted, well produced, etc. So I had high expectations. But I want more Science Fiction on TV. I want shows that last longer than one or two seasons. Still, I see networks time and again going back to the same well and thinking they can repeat success by doing so. Give us something we haven’t seen before. No, it’s not enough the alien attack is six months old. So we missed that part and you saved on your budget issues? So what? Really. Give me something I haven’t seen really–some kind of unique alien, unique alien motive, weapons, something. What if this was an alien attack on a world we had almost destroyed environmentally? Much further along than our current state? I’m just throwing that out there but surely there’s something new they could have done here.

The special effects are fine. The production values fine. Is it watchable? Until something else comes along, yes. Up against “True Blood,” unless “True Blood” really drops off in quality, no, “True Blood” will win. Ultimately it’s better than most of the made for TV mess SyFy tries to pass off as quality progamming. But coming from the guy who made war movies fun again with “Saving Private Ryan,” we have a right to expect a lot more. Richard Rodat and his team failed to deliver. I want this to succeed, don’t get me wrong. I want this to rake in the ratings. I want it to encourage more SF programming being developed. I just don’ t think the pilot was impressive, and only if they kick it into gear and surprise us, making it better, do I think it will survive the fate of so many similar series. I won’t stop watching. I won’t stop rooting for it. But I will continue to long for what might be.

Movie Reviews: Super 8, Pirates Of The Caribbean 4, Green Lantern

Well, I’ve seen three speculative fiction movies in the past week–one great one and two which I think were really good. I enjoyed all three. Two were in 3D, in both cases unnecessary and just a jab by Hollywood for more money. But regardless, I recommend them to genre film fans and general audiences as well.

“Super 8” is an homage to the kind of movies Spielberg made in the lates 70s and throughout the 80s, the movies I grew up on like “Goonies,” “E.T.,” “Close Enounters Of The Third Kind,” etc. A charming story about a group of friends (kids) who witness a train accident while trying to make a home made horror movie and uncover a government conspiracy involving aliens, missing pets, and military coverups going back decades. Their hometown is overrun and almost destroyed but the kids and two of their parents, fight against the destructive forces both manmade and alien and struggle to save the town.

This movie had good characterization, good humor, warm family moments, strong special effects and a good plot. The ending was a bit muddy and left some plot holes, such as did the kids finish the movie, which was a driving motivation for one of the characters, and does the government get a comeuppance? Also, what was the alien doing with the humans he hung in his lair? The ones freed seemed to recover quickly, what were his plans for them? Why were the dogs all found in other counties? They ran in fear? The alien sent them away? These plot points were really left mostly hazy. Sure the main government baddie died and the alien they held captive escaped, but there wasn’t as much satisfaction at seeing that rubbed in their face because the movie ended there without a little closure scene. I also felt the opening train crash was so over the top that it made everything else kind of pale by comparison and become almost anti-climactic. Yes, it was the pivotal moment for the story, but it no other moments matched it at being spectacular.

The movie captured its setting, the late 70s in a small coal mining town, very well, in my opinion. It was reminescent of “October Sky” in that sense. It also had the combination of heart warming family moments and young love which really played real and were very relatable for the rest of us. Lots of “I’ve been there moments,” including the dreams of the circle of kids and their interactions with each other, their families and the community. The military guys tended to be a bit cardboard, as they often are in these kinds of films, but they were not in any scenes where a central, developed character didn’t appear. Even some of the potentially cheesy moments with the alien and horror aspects were well handled. A few of the twist and turns also weren’t what I expect them to be. Hands down one of the best movies I’ve seen in years and one of the few I didn’t mind paying current ticket prices to see.

I didn’t know what to expect from “Pirates of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.” The last two movies were jumbled masses of over ambitious plotting and subplotting which left me less satisfied than the original franchise launching film. I expected this one to be more of the same over the top style, but I think the filmmakers wisely stripped this one down a bit. The plot, a race to find the Fountain Of Youth, was really kept in focus and the few subplots were far less in number than the previous films.  Johnny Depp played Captain Jack Sparrow with his usual flair and comedic touches and the character was less cartoonish than it ought to be after so many outings with such a similar lead.

The Zombie stuff was actually underplayed this time around and that was a nice change. I got bored with that after the first three films and enjoyed seeing more human on human pirates and less of the underworld magic themes. They did have some of it, of course, but even Barbossa got a but humanized by losing his leg and seeming thus less invincible. Rush chewed the scenery as usual but it was amusing watching him try and sell himself as part of the Upper Crust establishment and interact with characters who would ordinarily hold him in great disdain.

Keith Richards was fun as Jack Sparrow’s father and Penelope Cruz did well as Sparrow’s long lost love interest/nemesis. Altogether, I thought this was an enjoyable entry, even though none of the “Pirates” movies have ever been strong on making sense or even caring if they do.

The third film I saw was “Green Lantern.” I was always intrigued by Green Lantern as a kid. He was a different kind of hero, with real science fiction elements even more so than many of the other League of Justice members. He was portrayed as a bit older (at least to my childlike eyes) with his gotee and haircut, but he was amongst my favorites in the cartoon League and one I always wanted to know more about.

This film is really an origin story, telling the tale of how Green Lantern is chosen and comes into understanding and accepting his calling. Ryan Reynolds adeptly handles the lead. Having first discovered him in “Two Guys a Girl and a Pizza Place” and only seen him since in comedies, I wasn’t sure if he’d make it too campy for my taste, but although there were a couple campy moments, the humor was well handled and he was given strong dramatic moments. The character was well rounded with real weaknesses of character and self-confidence which he had to overcome. The other Lanterns were more cliched but none of them had much screen time. The main baddy Paralox was also really underdeveloped but Hector, the scientist pawn of Paralox who was a childhood friend of Reynold’s Hal Jordon character had multiple dimensions and even some real sympathetic moments with his difficult, judging father. It’s hard to grow up in the shadow of such a man, terminally misunderstood by family and even friends and never feeling respected or appreciated. A lot of geeks and others can relate to that and it was handled well.

Hal Jordan’s initial cockiness is also played well as well as his tendency to abandon people and situations he cares about when it requires too much responsibility or work for him. Having to make the choice to take on responsibility for saving his planet forces him to rise to the occasion or risk the lives of the woman he loves and the planet he calls home in ways which challenge him and force him to dig deep to succeed.

The big weakness for this film was the 3D was underutilized. So many great opportunities to just blow me away went by with either weak 3D or 2D. I literally have to think hard to remember any spectacular 3D moments and other than the scenes of flying on the Lantern’s planet, I can’t think of any. I also think the story wrapped up a little too neatly with the final confrontation not having enough twists and turns. It was like Jordan just knew what to do with pieces planted earlier. He didn’t have to think very hard or improvise as he went. The odds were supposedly incredible but it was all too neatly handled for my taste. This is where filmmaker and studio’s desire to keep the film a certain length may have caused them to sacrifice storytelling–a weakness all too often the case in these films today.

The film is visually stunning with great aliens and special effects. I’d like to see some of the various alien races developed more in fact in future sequels. I also felt the action scenes played relatively well and the characters had good chemistry, although the damsel in distress heroine could have benefitted from more character development.

Still I recommend all three for people who like genre films. “Super 8” in particular is not to be missed.

For what it’s worth…

How To Let Your Characters Grieve Well

One of the keys to good writing, writing which pops off the page and carries the reader away, is depicting characters’ emotions realistically. If we can feel what they feel, if it moves us to laugh or get angry or cry, we are hooked on the characters and their needs become ours. So how do writers learn to write emotions? Much has been written on stages of emotions and descriptive language cues, etc. But what really makes them pop is using our own experience.

As per my previous posts, I have been going through a very difficult time dealing with my wife’s mental illness and now with our divorce. I have dealt with anger, dismay, exhaustion, frustration, sadness, etc. But ultimately, the mental illness destroyed who she was in ways that she has not recovered from. She insisted on a divorce and I knew we could not remain together. As much as I was ready for it at the time, as many times as I couldn’t wait for her to be gone, what I am left with now that she is gone is overwhelming grief.

People define them with slight variations but according to rec0ver-from-grief.com, these are the 7 Stages Of Grief:

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn’t do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning “Why me?” You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair (“I will never drink again if you just bring him back”)

4. “DEPRESSION”, REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be “talked out of it” by well-meaning outsiders.Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your “depression” begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

The odd thing is the stages don’t actually progress in order necessarily. Sometimes you experience waves of them in mixed up order. It’s not just step one then on to step two, etc.

So where am I? I went through Stage 1 a lot during the whole medical crisis. Just feeling like “I don’t care if she’s gone” or “I can’t wait to be rid of her” or “I don’t love her anymore.” It was easy to do when she was telling me how much she hated me every day or verbally abusing me in other ways. It was easy to do because she was, in many ways, unrecognizable as the person I had once loved. Manic people are hard to love.

Stage 2 was a minor factor at first so I’ll skip it for now and address it more fully later because it’s where I am now.

I went through Stage 3 a lot as well, lashing out at her family for not telling me of her illness, for not making more effort to come and help me, and for being in denial of how difficult it was. Now that they’ve been here and dealt with her, they have a much better idea of the nightmare I was facing, but it was hard for me to communicate due to language barrier (they are Brazilians and speak mostly Portuguese) and cultural barrier. And because mental illness changed Bianca so much that you really had to see her to believe she was behaving that way.  When you’re in the midst of it though, you don’t have that logic. You just want them to empathize and act according to how you think they should act, period.

Stage 4 was a constant as well. I was in medical treatment for depression with meds and counseling. And it didn’t help that I had lost my job or that friends had turned their backs on us due to reasons I don’t full understand. Some of it was not knowing what to say or do to help us. Some of it was Bianca’s behavior. Some of it was my anger, too, I suppose. But I am left lonely, depressed, and reflecting on why and what went wrong and feeling abandoned. That makes it so much harder to deal with the other stages at the same time. You just have to tell yourself to breathe sometimes. You have to force yourself to leave the house and move just to remind yourself it actually feels good to get out and be alive.

Stages 5-7, I can’t even fathom right now, because I am stuck in the middle of Stage 2. The pain I feel is so constant and so overwhelming it almost chokes off my breath. It makes it hard to laugh or play or do anything joyful for more than a second or two. It makes it impossible to imagine a way out. Do I feel guilt? A little. Yeah. I didn’t express my love as well as I could. But then don’t all men fail at that or most? I also lashed out at her in anger. I regret so much those little instances, because her mania is not something she can control, but even knowing the person is not in their right mind is not enough to calm you when the stress and exhaustion overcome you. I spent months living with sleep deprivation and intense, constant stress. If you add to that my anger and depression, etc., it was a combination which led to me not loving her well sometimes. After all, as I said, the person I was dealing with was a manic person, not the woman I fell in love with. So now I feel guilt over that. Irrational? Maybe but it’s still there. Mostly, though I just feel pain.

I hurt because I feel like she died. The woman I waited so long for (see this post) died to me. I haven’t seen her since early this year. I have been dealing with someone else inhabiting her body and using her voice. And that person was impossible to live with and deal with–constantly out of control, constantly verbally abusive, selfish, childish. That person had no pleasant traits at all. Even her eyes looked wild and crazy, not at all the eyes I used to stare into and feel so loved. So I feel denied, robbed, assaulted. Fate, God, mental illness–choose one or all–stole my lover, my best friend, my companion, my wife. In a sense, they stole my life, my future, my happiness and my hope. And I feel so much pain and loss and anger and dismay, I couldn’t begin to describe it. Or can I? Maybe I have in this post. To make it all worse, I never really got closure. One day I left for Seattle on a writer’s retreat, and when I saw her again next, she was this manic person, not the woman I love. I never got to say “goodbye.”

In any case, I don’t know how my story will end, but I am sure I will continue to blog about it. I’m sure I will get to the last 3 stages at some point. Right now, I have to get through where I am. But why am I sharing all this? Why am I making this about me?

I am sharing it because this is real experience we can all draw from in our writing to make it better. Using our experiences and others helps us create real characters and empathetic ones and those are the ones which pop off the page. Yes, grief is but one emotion, yet it has stages involving many others. I am sharing this opening because I know there are things here writers can use to write well, and I want this blog to provide such information whenever it can. And all writing comes from our own experiences to some degree and the experiences of people we know or encounter.

So use it in your writing if you can. I know I will come back to it and do so. Right now the emotions are raw and fresh so that comes out in the words I use to describe them. If you deal with any situation calling for grief in your stories, read the stages, read what I’m experiencing and use it. It will make your characters and story come alive in ways that powerfully impact you and your readers. It will make your story/book memorable. And that’s what we all want, isn’t it? To write something that people will carry with them forever after and remember?

So now take what I’ve written and think about your own life and experiences and those of people you’ve met. What resources do you find there for improving your writing? What stories can you tell? What emotional experiences can you include in your characters’ journeys to help readers connect with them? Make a list. Keep a spreadsheet.

For what it’s worth…

 


It’s here!!!

I couldn’t resist apply my own post on making ARCS in Create Space to create a custom copy of the edited version of my novel. Other than copyedits, this is the version which will be going out soon for blurbs and to reviewers, and ultimately, to you readers. It’s just a good feeling after a crappy, stressful week to hold this in my hand. Very proud of how an idea I had 27 years ago and have worked on since August 2009 to write and polish has turned out and can’t wait to share it with you.

To The Woman I Fell In Love With

Okay, this is going to be a departure from the usual topics but tonight I just need to do this one for me.

There was a woman I fell in love with. We met in the Portuguese Speakers Wanting To Learn English room on www.orkut.com January 2nd, 2005. We talked for the first time on Windows Messenger and it was for four or five hours but it felt like much less because we enjoyed it so much.

I didn’t see her again for a day or two as I recall, and worried she hadn’t enjoyed the conversation. I finally left her a note, no response. But then one day I ran into her again and it happened again.

At some point I called her, and that connection was also special.

I had a mission trip to Rio, Brazil in April, so arranged to stop and visit with her. From the moment she and her grandma Cleonice met me at the airport, that was it for us. Bianca was mine and I was hers for the next six years.

I visited her every two weeks, using frequent flyer miles, whenever I could pass through on a mission trip, etc. 10-14 days at a time, but they were little slices of heaven. We were so in love and so connected. And it was the greatest feeling of my life.

In 2006, I asked her to marry me. Got on my knees, gave her a ring. She said “yes.” And so in April 2007, after her college graduation, she moved to be with me. In between was all the visa paperwork and immigration documents and fees, a lot more phone calls and a lot more IMs. But I had finally found someone to spend the rest of my life with. After 36 years, I had stopped believing. Bianca made me believe again.

April 14, 2007, we married in a small ceremony in St. Louis.

The marriage was pretty good. A few issues with adjustment to culture and weather and the realities of a husband who needed to work and a lonely wife who was in a new place. The challenge of money limits, trying to find her a job, etc. And although there were moments of odd behavior I now know the explanation for, we were happy, and life was good.

That lasted two and a half years.

The nightmare began October 5th, 2009, when I came home from teaching music in Mexico to find a desperate message from Bianca begging me to pick her up. She knew I was in Mexico. She’d ridden the bus to town to do a workshop for her new job, I thought. She should have been home hours before. What had happened? My cell phone was off to avoid International roaming. The house was empty. So my friends and I searched until early morning. I didn’t know where she was until a policeman arrived at 4:30 am. She was barefoot, had walked all the way downtown, 40 miles or so, thrown away her cell, her wedding ring, all her documents. And was dodging traffic on the highway.

Two days later, I got her forcibly admitted to psychiatric care, the first of five times in the next two years.  The treatment was hell because she was not herself and she blamed me. And the first time they let her out, I had to take her back kicking and screaming after only a few days.

But when she got out the second time, she forgave me, admitted I showed my love for her by getting her help and took her meds. A year later, it was hard to remember all that because life was so good again.

In January 2011, Bianca was at UTEP getting As. Her long time dream of finishing her education was a reality. She had a good job too. Everything looked really good.

Oh there were hurdles. I’d lost my job in May 2010, we believe strongly, because of health care costs from Bianca’s illness (something we could not prove sufficiently to go to court but did have strong evidence of). I lost my second job, when the employer was worried I’d leave town and needed continuity and found a replacement. Then unemployment got cancelled. Times were hard. But Bianca worked hard to support us and she encouraged me. And we made it through, got unemployment back. I even had a seasonal job at H & R Bloch. And Bianca was in school.

I was so proud of her. Just so amazed. She was so serious about it. So dedicated. And she did well. I was happy the loans had made it possible.

Then in March, I fulfilled a dream, by going on scholarship to Rainforest Writer’s Village. When I left, she was a bit mad that I was leaving her alone for so long, but things were otherwise okay. By mid-week, she sounded different on the phone. And by the weekend, she was full on manic. The Bianca I’d left behind was gone. And I haven’t seen her since.

She had three more forced hospitalizations, two in state institutions. Lost her job. Lost her school mid-semester. Everything she’d worked for, gone. And I was dealing with a person who hated me again and was mad at me because she was in the hospital. She still wanted me to visit so I could be verbally abused by her. But she denied loving me. Expressed regret of our life together.

I thought for sure the meds would resolve it again. But this time, she never came back.

On Tuesday, June 7, we signed divorce papers. We’d filed the previous Friday. Wednesday, June 8, Bianca flew home for Brasil, forever.

I lost my best friend. I lost my lover. I lost my companion. I lost my wife. And all I can do is cry and mourn the person I lost not only physically but mentally.

Things were so good, so many times. So many precious memories. So many wonderful moments.

The woman I fell in love with doesn’t deserve the life mental illness is creating for her. She deserves love and success and motherhood and so much that she may never have again because of bipolar disorder.

I may find love again. I may have my family. But I know a part of me is gone with Bianca. Because she gave me so much in our short love affair. And at the moment all I can do is wish it had been longer.

I miss you, Bianca. I really loved you. I really cherished you. I’m sorry I didn’t say that enough. I’m sorry I hurt you sometimes. I never meant to. And I’m sorry you have this horrible disorder that’s torn us apart and destroyed our love, the life we worked so hard for. I miss you so much. And our pets miss mommy too. I hope you can conquer this disorder. You’re so smart and talented, if anyone can, it will be you. A part of me just wishes, at least right now, that you could have conquered it with me beside you.

May God bless and keep you, my amor. Thanks for the wonderful time we did have. I’ll always cherish that.

For what it’s worth…


Bryan Thomas Schmidt is the author of the space opera novel The Worker Prince, the collection The North Star Serial, and has several short stories forthcoming in anthologies and magazines. He’s also the host ofScience Fiction and Fantasy Writer’s Chat every Wednesday at 9 pm EST on Twitter, where he interviews people like Mike Resnick, AC Crispin, Kevin J. Anderson and Kristine Kathryn Rusch. He can be found online as @BryanThomasS on Twitter or via his website. Excerpts from The Worker Prince can be found on his blog.

Lessons From Editing

We finished the final edit on my debut novel The Worker Prince today. And while there’s still a road to publication, from sending out ARCS for reviews and blurbs, to racheting up marketing, to copyedits, artwork, etc., it’s a good feeling. This was my first time working through this process with an editor. And I put on hold writing the second book in the series to do it. Am I glad I did.

Amongst things my editors did, besides grammatical corrections and questioning passages for clarity, was to help me bring out nuances and aspects of the characters and story which I had glossed over or failed to exploit fully. This will make the novel richer and more meaningful overall, and it also had the bonus of helping me identify strains which can be exploited in the sequel. Their insights also went to worldbuilding, allowing me to exploit things like terraforming which are appropriate to my world but which I had not specifically touched on. Overall, I know the finished book is a lot stronger than it would have been without their help and I will be forever grateful to Randy Streu, Jen Ambrose and earlier editors Paul Conant and Darlene Oakley for their insights.

I continue to evolve in not just my craft but my approach to writing, and experiences like this only push me to self-examination and discovery of new ways to approach my work. For example, The Worker Prince being only my second novel, I have done more drafts of this book than I will of future novels, I suspect. In this case, my first draft was a basic concept of plot, characters and scenes. A lot of the gritty nuances and details came out in later drafts, where I sought ways to lend not only balance but connectivity throughout using various elements. For example, my protagonist has two names: his birth name, Davi (Dah-vee) Rhii, and his adopted legal name Xander Rhii. For much of his life, he goes by Davi, a name his adoptive mother liked because it was unique and non-stereotypical in their culture. But many of his colleagues and his uncle refer to him as Xander. As Davi seeks to come of age and discover who he is as a man, he really comes to own one name over the other. But the nuances of having some characters refer to him by one name over the other were important aspects of characterization and development of story I missed–which we discovered during editing.

There were also times I overstated things, either by repeating them too much or telling too much, which I could do better in showing or hinting at and letting the readers sort it out. Those are areas where my editors’ voices helped me find a wiser path for which I am grateful.

There were also little details, such as using more military-style language in battle and fight scenes, and setting up even minor characters as potential catalysts for action in the sequels, which came out in the editing. These things helped point me to a more focused understanding of what Book 2, The Returning, needs to be, and even to discover the arc of that story in a clear way I had failed to even as I’d started writing it. I typically write with a let the story unfold as it comes approach. But writing a three book series where the story has to flow from one to the next and the overall arc has to be well considered, this editing process on The Worker Prince helped me come to clearer understandings of the books to follow in ways that still allow some “letting the story come as it will” while also writing with a clearer plan. That will, no doubt, make those books stronger and better, and I am indebted to my editors for their assistance with that.

I don’t always get as detail oriented as I should in drafting stories. I tend to go back and add those things later, but learning to note little details and how they can be used throughout a story to bring out themes and deepen the world has been a great lesson for me.

So how does this help you?

1) Names/Language Matter–not only in the origins and meanings they may imply but in how they are employed by characters. How can you utilize the formality and informality with which characters address each other to not only reveal their relationships but deepen tension and characterization? How can you use terminology better in your story? Adding military language or creating formal language for various settings enriches the realism of your world for readers and adds a richness in texture to your story.

2) There Are No Little Things–little things like the necklace a character always wears, a notebook he/she always stops to write in, etc. can be employed to develop not only character but deepen the symbolism of the story. Do you employ any off these and are you using them to their fullest? Every little detail you include has the potential to be exploited for stronger nuance in the story. A few throwaways may exist but be careful to examine what you include and why and how they can be used to provide stronger meaning for readers.

3) Don’t overtell–We’ve all hear the warnings about Showing v. Telling but sometimes we feel the need to revisit plot aspects or character details we’ve already introduced because we fear the reader might not remember them. It’s a fine line to know when to do this and when not to but seeking specific feedback from betas and others on it can be of great help because this is one area where you can end up talking down to readers and nothing turns them off more than that.

4) Consider Future Stories–if you go in knowing you will be writing multiple books, spend time looking for ways you can exploit characters, props, and other details in the first book to set up things which will complicate or be expanded upon in later books. You may not be able to see it in the first draft or two, but as you move further in, you need to really look for this and develop those things well enough that readers will remember them by the time the sequels roll around.

Just a few lessons which I hope can help you on your writing path as they have helped me.

For what it’s worth…

Links Of The Week, Vol. 2 Issue 10

http://www.suzemuse.com/2009/11/creating-amazing-video-an-e-book/ — an ebook on creating amazing videos

http://bit.ly/mxxptJ — Author David Farland on the future of publishing

http://www.radiofreealbemuth.com/ — Preview the exciting new Philip K. Dick based “Radio Free Albemuth” movie

http://kriswrites.com/2011/06/01/the-business-rusch-agents-surviving-the-transition-part-3/ — Kristine Kathryn Rusch on publishing, agents, and agents as publishers

Cool science: Lost Pyramids discovered underground in Egypt from space:http://fxn.ws/ipjyF8

http://jdsawyer.net/?p=1582 — Principles of Book Contracts from JD Sawyer

http://talktoyouniverse.blogspot.com/ — Juliette Wade offers advice on how to find time to write

Links to all the #sffwrtcht columns on GFTW.com can now be found here: http://bit.ly/jXwJOR which also happens to be Science Fiction & Fantasy Writer’s Chat’s new website.

Also, my new website is up and running, complete with blogs, store and more at www.bryanthomasschmidt.net which is where you’re reading this post, by the way.