meeting people |

Like it or not, networking is a necessity for anyone who wants to succeed in the arts. And given so many creatives are introverts that makes networking a big challenge. But as someone who considers networking a key element in my career success so far, I have learned a few tricks I can pass on to make networking easier.

1. Networking is a long haul game. Networking doesn’t happen instantly. It takes an investment. So don’t plan to go to one event or convention and meet all your networking needs with one encounter. Each encounter/event is about laying groundwork that will pay off down the road, and you should approach them accordingly.

2. Networking is not all about you. Don’t approach networking as if it’s like handing out your resume. Networking is far more about other people. What you want to do is be friendly, fun, and interesting as you ask others about themselves and interact. Talk about their work, if you know it, or the latest movie or TV show, and so on. Find out what they do, what they like, where they live, and show genuine interest. Once the ice is broken and they are comfortable with you, they will eventually ask about you. That’s your chance to talk about yourself. And it may not happen in the first meeting but that’s okay. Networking is a long haul game, remember?

3. Networking is easiest if you avoid controversy. Artists are passionate people, and we tend to have strong opinions. But take it from someone who’s learned the hard way, there is nothing to be gained from engaging in controversial conversations with potential contacts. Politics, religion—anything prone to divisiveness—are not your friend and should be avoided. Save those conversations for private scenarios with people you know well and trust. There is a whole lot to be lost here, including not just potential relationships but reputation and so much more in the cancel culture environment. You lose nothing by staying away from those topics.

4. Networking requires taking chances. It’s intimidating to meet new people, especially for introverts. But that’s why you want to focus on what you have in common. Ask yourself “where are we and why are we here?” The answer already points to something you have in common. Build on that. Introduce yourself and ask about them, then take it from there. Let the conversation develop and flow naturally. It’s okay if it takes place in a circle of people or more than one-on-one, too. You are laying the groundwork for what pays off later, remember?

5. Networking can be a lot of fun. Don’t assume that every person you network with is the one who can buy your story or hire you. That’s usually not the case. But networking is all about who you know. Some of the best friends I have I met networking at various conventions or events. We discovered what we have in common, hit it off, and stayed in touch. And since networking is all about who you know, sometimes those people introduced me to people who bought my stories or hired me, and sometimes I introduced them. Or sometimes they just tipped me off to opportunities that I could explore and those turned into work. Networking is about building a network far beyond the “yes men” and power brokers so that you position yourself in the right place at the right time with the right avenue to reach out.

So hopefully this post has helped you rethink the process of networking and devise a new approach. Now you just have to put it into practice. Good luck! For what it’s worth…

This blog is focused on writing–craft, business and careers. And part of any successful writing career is networking. When you work in a creative business, you run into a lot of people whose ideas and approaches differ from your own. Not only their approaches to life but to art, politics, religion, etc. My being a Christian in science fiction, a world full of scientists, makes it an interesting experience sometimes. I know there are people I consider friends who find my religious views ignorant and even sad. I feel the same about their Atheism, even worse about Agnosticism. But I try really hard not to let that show, because, in the end, what draws us together is more important to me than what separates us. Not just because we are human but also because we are writers. Maybe I admire their craft, their voice, or their business acumen. Maybe I admire their scientific knowledge, their experience–it could be any number of things. Whatever it may be, religious differences are not going to cause me to think less of them as friends or respect them less. Unless, they disrespect me.

And I have been disrespected, but so far rarely by people I thought of as friends. There are people in this world, to my surprise, who actually think they can surmise enough from looking at you for five minutes to decide if they will ever like you. And like stubborn mules–in both actions and wisdom–they stick to it. Neither movement of heaven nor movement of Earth will change their opinions. That’s just the way it is.

Personally, I find the immature, selfish and stupid. BUT people like that exist.

I had one experience where this person, a beginning writer who happened to have co-edited an anthology, snubbed me at an event for the antho. I had several friends in the anthology and went to support them. Took pictures, etc. Afterwards, I politely went up to introduce myself, and never have I felt such cold outside of a snowstorm or perhaps a zoo’s Penguin exhibit. It was just a rude, cold “nice to meet you” stated only because of social mores, then a quick turn away and ignoring.

And you know what? I will probably never buy a book by that person, RT a link promoting their story or interview them for #sffwrtcht or any such thing because I just can’t respect that. Ironically, I had several people come up later and tell me they saw how I was treated and felt it was ridiculous. They thought that person was shallow and fake and had no respect for it. That’s the impression that person made.

You don’t have to like or even be friends with everyone you meet in the world. No, not even in a creative business like publishing. But I would say you should damn well learn to keep those feelings to yourself and treat them with respect. You never know who the person is who could help or hurt your career and you never know who else is watching. It can come back and hurt you. Maybe not now but what about in ten years. People don’t forget things like that. Especially not a first impression. Oh yes, you can PMS or whatever guys call it sometimes with people you know well. You can be out of sorts from a crisis. But when you just treat people rudely for no good reason, you show your lack of respect for other people on a general level in a way no one who witnesses it will ever forget.

And that’s bad for business. It also creates awkward situations. I have a number of friends who like, pal around with and call this person friend. In fact, some of them include this person in their “in” group in ways they never include me. It’s disappointing, because you feel left out and you feel like they don’t respect you as much. But on other hand, it sometimes makes me question why they don’t see what I see?. It’s not a one time thing, by the way. This person has continued to treat me badly or virtually ignore me since. I continue to respect and like those friends because of many reasons so I don’t hold it against them. It doesn’t really matter because I don’t want to be around that writer anyway nor anyone else with such a crappy attitude toward people. Doesn’t matter what the person thinks of me or why they don’t like me, I know for a fact I never did anything but treat them with respect and offer encouragement and the reaction I received just shows a lack of class and a total lack of understanding of networking.

I use this not to complain about it but as an example of what not to do.

Some of you might be saying “maybe the person is just introverted and bad in social situations.” I’d buy that if the behavior hadn’t continued. Yes, many introverted writers struggle in these situations. I do too. Work on it. You can only use introversion so far as an excuse. Do you really want to lose opportunities because of it? It’s like any other weakness, something you need to learn to overcome as best you can.

Part of networking is leaving people with the impression “he or she is cool and might be fun to work with” or “that’s a person I enjoyed chatting with.” This is so that the next time they see you, they’ll smile and actually be glad and maybe even remember your name. And those kinds of connections can lead to all kinds of opportunities. I can’t tell you how many times people I haven’t seen in over a decade have opened doors for me or introduced me to important people. All because of a first impression. All because of respect. That has even happened with people I don’t remember liking that much. Sometimes I like them now very much, just not who they were then. And sometimes my opinion hasn’t changed. But who cares. There’s no law saying everyone you know has to be someone you like but there is an unwritten law that every person deserves the same respect you want back from them. And by violating that, you can create long term repercussions which can hurt you career. Do you really want to do that?

In life, as in business, “who you know” can be very important. So next time you go to a workshop or a Con or even a restaurant, remember how important it is to treat everyone with the same kindness you’d like to be treated. Forget your personal feelings for a moment. If they are not your cup of tea, don’t have them over for dinner or hang out with them, etc. But don’t let yourself be rude to them. Don’t badmouth them because of some personal vibe. Just keep it to yourself, be polite, and you never know what will happen.

That’s a lesson I’ve learned from being in the creative/entertainment business since 1987. It’s always served me well and it’ll serve you, too.

For what it’s worth…