Author: Bryan

One of Those Lives – Ruminations on Lamentations (not Ken Scholes’ book, the other one)

Published on by Bryan

Did you ever have “one of those days?” Well, I’m having on of those months. Being laid off with no warning and no explanation on May 24 has just thrown me through a loop. The economy is horrible. The severance is about to run out. I had no anticipation and no sense of calling to move or leave but now must seek wisdom and answers. And it’s hard. It’s real hard. I apply and apply and, except for two, the replies are “job already filled” or “excellent and impressive resume, but you’re not what we’re looking for.”

If any Bible passage could describe how I’m feeling it’s Lamentations 3:

Lamentations 3

1 [a] I am the man who has seen affliction
by the rod of his wrath.

2 He has driven me away and made me walk
in darkness rather than light;

3 indeed, he has turned his hand against me
again and again, all day long.

4 He has made my skin and my flesh grow old
and has broken my bones.

5 He has besieged me and surrounded me
with bitterness and hardship.

6 He has made me dwell in darkness
like those long dead.

7 He has walled me in so I cannot escape;
he has weighed me down with chains.

8 Even when I call out or cry for help,
he shuts out my prayer.

9 He has barred my way with blocks of stone;
he has made my paths crooked.

10 Like a bear lying in wait,
like a lion in hiding,

11 he dragged me from the path and mangled me
and left me without help.

12 He drew his bow
and made me the target for his arrows.

13 He pierced my heart
with arrows from his quiver.

14 I became the laughingstock of all my people;
they mock me in song all day long.

15 He has filled me with bitter herbs
and sated me with gall.

16 He has broken my teeth with gravel;
he has trampled me in the dust.

17 I have been deprived of peace;
I have forgotten what prosperity is.

18 So I say, “My splendor is gone
and all that I had hoped from the LORD.”

Pretty hopeful stuff, huh?

I know, I’m supposed to have a positive outlook, have faith, trust the Lord, believe that He loves and wants the best for me and has a plan. I do believe that. The trouble is, He’s not telling me what all that is and I don’t like being in limbo and not know how we’re going to eat at the end of this month. It’s a scary place to be, especially since I spent most of 2003 out of work. The difference is, this time we have three pets, I’m married, and my retired parents are in no position to help out.

See? I need the Lord more than ever so where is He? The Bible tells us He’s there, in the midst of our sorrow, but I’m struggling to feel it.

Of course, as anyone who’s read Lamentations 3 knows, I can only wallow in the self-pity and hopelessness decribed by those first verses so long. Only until I read on and come to this:

22 Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

24 I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”

25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;

26 it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.

Wow! Do I feel like a chump now or what? I mean, God is faithful. I’ve sung the hymn based on this song so many times I know it by heart. In fact, we scheduled it at planning session today for this Sunday. “His compassions are new every morning.” Wow! “The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him” Wow! “Great is Your faithfulness” Sigh.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t expect to be perfect. I don’t expect to be sinless. I don’t expect to never have trouble. That said, I also have walked with God for over 30 years now. I’ve walked with Him through periods where I could feel His presence so strongly it was like another human walking beside me. I’ve walked with Him through periods where I knew He carried me, where I heard His voice in my ear, where I never thought I’d ever be, let alone find Him. And God has been good to me. A good family, good income for the past seven years, ministry opportunities around the world, good songs which people like and sing in churches and languages I’m not even aware of. He’s blessed me. But here I am wallowing in Lamentations 3: 1-18, one of the most optomistic (NOT) passages of the Bible.

Why do I say this? Because so many of you have also had times when it felt like “one of those lives,” and from the midst of it, it’s not only hard to see God’s presence, it’s hard to see the way our or believe you’ll ever see His presence again. But I am here in the midst telling you that I have faith, trust the Lord, believe that He loves and wants the best for me and has a plan. And I know He’s here in the darkest depths and I know He’s picking me up right now when I can’t walk any more. I believe that and so should you because He doesn’t love me any more than He loves you. He loves us both same.

So whether it’s “one of those days” or “one of those lives,” He’s with you. Even in the midst of great despair as I am now. He’s with you, He cares, and He has a way out planned, so lean on Him, let Him carry you and get ready for one amazing ride.

For what it’s worth…

Review: Starman’s Quest by Robert Silverberg

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When you pick up a book written in 1958, especially by a 19-year-old writer, you expect it to be out of date and perhaps even a little weak. But I loved this book. It’s short and tight, but masterful as Robert Silverberg always is.

I may be biased. Silverberg, without a doubt, is my favorite speculative fiction author (Orson Scott Card is second). But this story resonated with me and it holds up even sixty years after it was written.

The story of 18-year-old Alan Donnell, a spacer who serves on his dad’s ship, Starman’s Quest introduces us to a future Earth very different from our own. When the ship returns to Earth after a journey which passed like months for its crew but equalled nine years on Earth, Alan leaves to search for his missing twin brother Steve. Anxious for adventure, Steve had jumped ship the last time they ported on Earth, and Alan is anxious to see his now 26-year-old brother, forever altered by the differences of time on Earth vs. time in space.

It is Alan’s first time in an Earther city, and he finds it fascinating. When his spacer outfit and cultural ignorance bring unwanted attention from locals and the Police, he only manages to escape with the help of a gambler named Max. Max seems to be eying his as a protegé, and ends up tutoring Alan in the culture and resources needed to find Steve.

After Max and Alan return Steve to their father’s ship, Alan decides it’s his turn for adventure. Alan has long dreamed of building a faster than light drive based on the drawings of long lost (and ridiculed) scientist and hopes to one day track down his lost diaries and continue his work.

Silverberg’s work is no doubt aided by his own proximity in age to his main character. Alan’s point of view as a teen discovering Earth and its culture for the first time comes off as very authentic, and we experience everything along with him. For science fiction, this is a great way to introduce the futuristic elements unfamiliar to us, and it’s amazing how many of those resonate even today as future possibilities well within our imagination.

Silverberg comments in a brief note at the beginning that the book is not his best work but will be of interest to those curious about his early career. I think the writing style his fans have experienced in his later works is clearly recognizable here and readers, fans or not, will enjoy the book. It’s size makes it a fast read, so it’s a good introduction to Silverberg for any who haven’t discovered him before.

I highly recommend Starman’s Quest and know you’ll enjoy it as much as I did.

Review: Rabbit

Published on by Bryan

Rabbit: Chasing Beth Rider is the story of the famous novelist Beth Rider, author of vampire books and a Christian, who finds herself being pursued by the Rakum, an ancient order of vampires. Labelled a “Rabbit,” a marked target, by an Elder, she is hunted by all Rakum to be tortured again and again because her books have started causing Rakum to leave the fold in search of a better way.

When some of the vampires try and protect her, she finds herself surrounded by conflict as the power struggle rages around her. As the conflict grows, Beth finds her faith a pillar of strength in the midst of it and soon her strength inspires those around her. They began asking questions and seeking answers they’d never thought about before. The “virus” sweeping through the Rakum, so feared by Jack Dawn, Beth and Michael’s nemesis, begans spreading all the more, until the final confrontation with the Rakum Fathers and Beth’s God.

I have to admit, when Ellen first described her book, I was skeptical. I had no concept of how Christianity and Vampires could be in the same book. Other than a vampire hunter priest, it just didn’t make sense to me. And I also have to say the book had a slow start. Despite the short chapters and moving between characters, it didn’t really hook me until 40 pages in when the back story of one of the supporting characters just touched me. After that I devoured the book rapidly, page after page.

First novels are tricky, especially then they are self-published, which is becoming more and more common. But Maze avoids most of the pitfalls. There are some missed words, such as “to” for “too” and such, but even novels from the major print houses let those slip through sometimes. For me the novel’s major weaknesses were two holes in character motivations. First, with Michael seeming to flip over Beth because she’s a pretty girl and looks too nice to be an enemy of the Rakum. Given the risks and potential costs for him, I expected a stronger reasoning. The second involved Beth herself, whose faith is so solid and even that she seems to hardly fear the events unfolding around her. In my experience, even strong, devoted Christians would have moments of fear and questioning under such circumstances, but Beth never seems to. Additionally, faced with the possibility of extraterrestrials at one point, she finds them hard to believe while fully accepting the vampires and other craziness consuming her days.

These are small issues however when the book sweeps you away. Maze does an amazing job with pacing, keeping things moving at a lightning pace in a way that catches you up and takes you along for the ride. The plot continues unfolding with various complications that raise the stakes as the book races toward the inevitable confrontation between the Rakum and Beth’s God.

A powerful first novel, I am surprised a mainstream house has yet to snatch this up. It may be because of the present competitive environment, but I have no doubt that as this book keeps growing in popularity, they will take notice. I have the pleasure of proofing/editing the sequel next month, and if it’s this good, the series can only become more popular.

Whether you’re a vampire story fan or reticent as I was, I highly recommend this book from an exciting new talent.

Ruminations on Writer’s Block, Job Hunting Scams and More

Published on by Bryan

For some reason, it’s been like pulling teeth to get myself to sit down and write lately. I’ve managed to write a few scenes for the fantasy novel. I managed to write an outline for a new scifi novel I’m excited to start. But it’s been two months now I’ve been trying to finish this first draft, and the lay off just seemed to tip the scales of motivation to the “none at all” status.

I finally decided to force myself to start typing in the scenes I’d hand written. One advantage of that is I end up with a second draft of those scenes in the manuscript, because I revise as I go. Doesn’t mean I won’t edit and revise them later, of course, but it does tend to make them stronger as a base. Another advantage in this case was getting a vision for the rest of the chapter which allowed me to write rough summaries of the scenes needed. This won’t be the last chapter. I envision two or three more, but if I can get past this one it will definitely be a step in the right direction.

The normal way I get past writer’s block is to keep multiple projects going at one time. If I get stuck on one, I switch to another. I also give myself permission to write crap every now and then. (It’s not really avoidable so I might as well admit it.) This multiple project approach has really been great for me. I have yet to get stuck on two projects at the same time. I’m not stuck lately, I’m just unmotivated/uninspired. It’s hard not to be in the present job market. Looking for a job is less fun than ever. The competition is fierce and companies have the upper hand.

There’s also the lovely scams like the one where they recruit you to process client payments for a ridiculous amount of money, promising you earn this by only working 2-3 hours a day. They even go so far as to set up fake, fancy corporate websites with management profiles, etc. This a major scam though. It’s called a “money mule fraud” and the email reads something like this:

My name is Russell Born and I represent NEBS Group Company.

This letter confirms that the resume that you submitted to CareerBuilder.com has been duly processed by our HR department, and your skills meet our basic requirements for the Payment Processing vacancy.

NEBS Group Inc. is a world-renowned company founded and based in the USA, which deals with IT services, matching the needs of the market with the best employees available worldwide.

Payment Processing Agent position is:
– Part-time (on average 2-3 hours a day (Monday through Friday).
– Work at home (all communication is online).

What do you need? Internet access and e-mail.

This position is offered on a probationary period basis for a period of one month. You will receive training and online support while working and being paid.

Salary for the training period is $2300/month. In addition you will be receiving 8% commission from every payment which you receive from a customer and successfully process. Total income, given the current volume of clients, will be up to $4,500 per month.

After the first 30 days the base salary will be increased up to $3,000 per month plus 8% commission, so there is significant earning potential if you are willing to work with diligence and efficiency.

You may ask for additional hours after your probationary period, when you have earned a full-time position.

If you are interested in our offer and would like to learn more about the Payment Processing Agent position, please, send the form below to [email protected]
NOTE: This is not a sales position.

Our representative will contact you within 24 hours.

++++++++FORM++++++++FORM+++++++++++
First name:_____________________
Last name:___________________________
Country of residence:__________________
Contact phone:______________________
Preferred call time:_______________________
++++++++FORM++++++++FORM+++++++++++

We have found your resume at www.careerbuilder.com. This letter confirms that your resume has been duly processed and your skills meet our basic requirements for the Payment Processing Agent vacancy.

Best regards,

Russell Born
NEBS Group Inc.

The company name, of course, changes monthly as does the website, but these guys actually expect you to use your own checking account to process customer checks, only they’ll disappear after you pay for shipments, etc. and never pay you. Don’t fall for this. Providing them with your info and bank accounts may just promote further fraud.

It’s a scary world out there, no wonder I’m fighting depression with this job hunt. Who can you trust? Daily I get offers for free resume evaluations, and they always say that I have a weak resume and need their services. In fact, the resume I used an online specialty site template to help me design, doesn’t meet their standards. They, of course, can fix it for the bargain price of several hundred dollars. Like someone selling a service is even objective, right?

Anyway, such are the joys of present life for me. For what it’s worth…

Thoughts on Characterization and Sin

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“No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good. A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. After all, you find out the strength of the German army by fighting against it, not by giving in. You find out the strength of a wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down. A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it: and Christ, because he was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means — the only complete realist.” CS Lewis, Mere Christianity

One of the reasons I write my characters the way I do is my belief in the depravity of man, which Lewis explains well in the quote above. It’s fun to think we make choices to do bad or good, but the truth is, I think our sinful nature is far more powerful than that. I know there are times I did/do things I never thought I’d do and, in fact, had planned not to up until the very minute they occurred. If my free will is dominant, how can this be? The Scriptures tell us that even when we try to do good, we fail. The Apostle Paul writes:

“For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do–this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?” Romans 7:19-24

This war inside us is a common factor in the character development arcs of fiction, whether the writer shares my belief or not. People are complicated creatures and I have seen far too many books by authors who either don’t believe this, don’t know how to write it or somehow can’t bear to represent it and thus present cardboard, watered down, unrealistic characters instead. This is not a problem restricted to Christian fiction, but I have to say it is far too prevalent there. Books like that just don’t ring true for me. In fact, they turn me off, so I won’t write characters that way. I just can’t.

In my fiction, bad guys are bad and good guys are conflicted. Beyond that, even the bad guys have some good qualities (most of them anyway) and the good guys have their bad sides. Because I want my fiction to be fit for the 12-year-old kids who are just discovering speculative fiction at the same age I did, and because of my faith beliefs, I don’t write sex scenes or foul language and I keep the violence focused on only what’s required by the story. But that also doesn’t mean my characters can’t be realistic. When a character curses, I just write “Bob cursed” and let the reader fill in the blank. We all have our favorite curse words anyway, don’t we (be honest)? And so, those would pop into our mind when we read that. Reading fiction is supposed to be interactive. That’s why over describing and telling are discouraged. The more the readers contribute from their own imaginations, the better their reading experience will be.

Besides, who can related to perfect characters? Do heroes need to express ideals we aspire to? Of course. Otherwise, they won’t be heroes because heroes are people we admire and want to emulate. But even heroes have imperfections and if we don’t write those into our stories, they won’t seem like real people.

Anyway, this is how I approach character. I am sure other writers have different thoughts on it and even different motivations but I hope most of us end up in the same place, because realistic, conflicted, imperfect characters are a lot more interesting to read about. For what it’s worth…

Goodreads

Published on by Bryan

Okay, now that I’ve gotten my political prosletyzing out of the way for the week, on to more writerly related matters. While my lack of focus in general due to my work situation has kept me from writing much lately, it hasn’t kept me from reading, and for reading I love Good Reads as a tracking system. Www.goodreads.com has a list of any book you can think of, links to other readers, reviews, ratings, and bookshelf categories including read, to read, currently reading. You can even update the page you’re on at the time for each book you’ve listed as “currently reading.” Best of all, you can win free books. I’ve won two so far and I joined in April.

Other than the blog, I post all my reviews there, and I then link them to twitter and facebook. I also link this blog there, have my bio and a link to my book. I have interacted with a lot of struggling authors like myself there as well as publishers and more successful writers. It’s a great new social networking community focused around bibliophiles, and I highly recommend it. I have gone back and found books I read as a child and rated and reviewed them. It has reminded me of books long forgotten and reminded me of books I always meant to read and hadn’t. They’re all listed there and what a great way to keep track of a reading list.

If you like books as much as I do, I highly recommend it. Now if I can only find a site like goodwriting to keep me going on that…

For what it’s worth…

National Monuments Unsafe in Arizona because of border crossing drug mules

Published on by Bryan

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2010/06/18/federal-lands-arizona-travel-warnings-place/

For all those who still say the Arizona law is discriminatory, I hope you read my earlier post showing how the law matches federal law. Here is a link to the kind of problems people on the border deal with. We have them here, too. Obama loves to blame but not to actually change anything. This is all about political capital not about what’s right, not about the law. The lawsuit is just posturing and we should all be disgusted the President is wasting our government’s time on this instead of actually making laws to fix it. He could do the same with the BP spill, but he’s too busy blaming careless BP. I thought we elected him to get things done? So far he’s not living up to it.

Okay, that’s the rant for today. I feel better having gotten that off my chest. For what it’s worth…

World Cup

Published on by Bryan

One of the things I picked up on my travels is an interest in soccer. While little appreciated in most of the US, outside the US, soccer is THE biggest game in the world. Populations live and die with the successes and failures of their team. I started collecting soccer jerseys on my travels and continue to, which is why people often see me wearing them. They are certainly the least expensive of jerseys compare to other sports, and I find them quite comfortable especially in the hot climate where I live on the US-Mexico Border.

Soccer can challenge American’s expectations for sports because of its’ pace. While the players move fast and the ball changes hands a lot, the scores tend to remain low. Often games conclude with only 1 or 2 goals. On rare occasions, such as the World Cup Germany game against Australia, you might see 4 goals. For Americans used to basket ball scores in the 70s or higher, football scores in the 30s, baseball scores as high as the teens, this doesn’t evoke much excitement.

Another issue is often the name. While we call it soccer, the rest of the world calls it football. American football, the sport we associate with the word, is quite popular with a lot of physical action. And sometimes, Americans seem to resent the fact that another sport would share the name of their favorite. But soccer seems to fit the term better since the game is played 90% with the foot as opposed to American football where hands, arms, etc. are used often.

It may surprise many Americans to learn, however, that the World Cup is one of the most popular sporting events in the world. Far more popular than our Super Bowl and World Series, and often even more than the Olympics. In my wife’s country, Brazil, people actually commit suicide when the national team loses. Players’ lives are threatened, their family members kidnapped. Some have even been killed. In other countries, these things happen as well, and you see news reports of riots or fighting at games. I know of certain places I have been warned not to wear jerseys of anyone but the local team to avoid being attacked.

Football (soccer) is serious business for these people, and they will never understand our lack of interest.

One of the few advantages of being laid off right now is that we have been able to watch almost all of the games. It’s fun to learn names of players we weren’t familiar with, to see countries like Ghana succeed against bigger countries. It’s fun to see how many countries are represented, and to watch the enthusiasm of the fans and commentators. Footbal is truly a cross cultural game. It can bring the world together, such as the World Cup, and tear it apart when teams defeat each other. Especially when sporting rivalries match political ones.

Don’t get me wrong, I still root for the Americans. I am patriotic after all. But I also root for the underdog teams, like Ghana, who somehow have made it onto the world stage and earned a level of respect they and their countries rarely see. It’s a truly magical success story, and I’m so glad God blesses them with these opportunities.

If you want to see what you’re missing, tune into ABC or ESPN and check it out. You may find you’ve found a new appreciation, maybe even a new passion. In any case, you’ll certainly know more about the world around you.

For what it’s worth…

Repaying The Blessing

Published on by Bryan1 Comment

Okay, well, it’s been far too long since I even logged on here, and I’ll admit, my goal of blogging here twice a week has been overshadowed by the judge search I am forced to undertake since being laid off with no warning. It’s funny how some people will lay you off or fire you and want to act like it’s just business and everything should be friendly and fun despite that. Maybe if I understand the foggy reasons, but if I ask what I did wrong and you can’t tell me, then I think we’re not going to be talking very friendly from that point on. Especially when my wife and I are struggling to stay financially afloat after some medical treatment last year messed up our credit (it’s what happens when you put medical bills first and credit cards second). They knew our finances were on the edge and yet they act like firing/laying me off is no big deal. For them maybe, for me, it was a blindside of the cruelest kind.

We are not bankrupt. At least not yet. And as long as I find employment again by the time severance runs out and can make comparable wages, we’ll be just fine, but I must admit that forcing me to sign a termination agreement to get severance and being unable to justify my dismissal don’t make me a fan. Of course, I’m forbidden by said termination agreement to say anything bad about the company. I certainly won’t have anything nice to say, so I suppose I won’t mention them by name at all.

In any case, that’s why my writing muse has been a little cloudy lately. I am thankful for the encouragement of friends like Jay Lake, Ken Scholes, and others locally who have taken the time to encourage me with a few words. Lake and Scholes are writer friends I met online. We’ve never met face to face despite having many conversations through PM and chat and FB comments, yet they took the time to encourage and support me at a most difficult time. And they and others who did speak, came up with the right words, too. Those words mean more than people may realize. Words of sympathy but encouragement. Nothing patronizing. Nothing condescending. Some people just don’t know what to say to another in times like these. Thankfully, in my life, those people mostly found the strength to just not say anything at all. But for those who did say something, what they said was well chosen and well received.

I appreciate that support and friendship. And although I wish them no ill will, I hope I can be as gracious with my words in the future when they or others hit rough spots as I am now. If so, I will know I’ve repaid the blessing.

For what it’s worth…

Reviews: A Canticle For Leibowitz/Death Of A Starship

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I am behind on my blogging, so apologies to anyone who actually follows this. I just finished two great science fiction books and thought I’d review them here back to back.

The first is the all-time classic “A Canticle For Leibowitz” by Walter M. Miller. I’ve heard about this book for years but never read it. The other day I found a copy in the used book store and decided it was time. What a delightful read.

A post-apocalyptic novel written in 1959, “Canticle” is the story of monks who are trying to preserve relics of the past in a rebuilding culture set back to the Dark Ages after a nuclear holocaust. They live in a time where things like “electricity” and “machines that fly” amaze them to think about. A time when such ideas seem like distant fantasy.

But as their culture evolves and we experience it through different generations of monks at the monastery, a number of old forgotten inventions begin to reoccur and bring new challenges and havoc to their lives.

A great examination of faith and belief mixed with interpersonal interactions and history, I found this a compelling read full of rich characters and settings and a fascinating plot.

I can see why it’s so revered and plan to read it again in a few years so I can enjoy it all over again.

The second book I’ll review is Jay Lake’s “Death of A Starship.” It’s a book Jay and I have discussed when talking about faith in fiction and Christian characters appearing in scifi, and I finally managed to bump it up the queue and read it. I’m so glad I did.

I loved this book. A fast read, it’s filled with action and focuses on three well drawn lead characters. Jay Lake went to considerable effort to make them realistic, even consulting priests to make sure his portrayal of Father Menard was as accurate as he could make it.

The story of an investigation into the disappearance of a major battleship, the last of a type decommissioned years before in a quest for peace, a ship so powerful it could blow away half the current fleet by itself, Menard, a ship’s mechanic, and Navy assassins find themselves on colliding trajectories which take them not only toward each other, but the ship and the long suspected aliens who caused it to crash. Menard’s Xenic Bureau of the church has long been seeking proof of their existence, and Menard finds their infiltration is far deeper than he’d ever suspected.

Fast-paced, tightly written, a page turner. I almost couldn’t put it down. I read 92 pages the first day and split the other pages only due to busyness in my schedule.

Highly recommended to anyone who likes scifi and especially solid space opera.

Both highly recommended and enjoyable. For what it’s worth…